Starting to piece it together
Happy June! It’s time for an update on how things are going with my brain and recovery! I’m on an upswing, things have been bad and are now getting better, and I’m at a particularly important and positive turning point.
The medication changes period of the past several months, really since February (which I affectionately refer to as the “Journey through Hell”), has effectively ended with the worst of it over.
Most of the old medications are now off the table and the new one that everyone (my medical team) had high hopes for has been accepted by my brilliant body! Yay!! We are all hopeful it will be the one key ingredient to stabilize brain chemistry as well as reduce pain sensitivity, and allow me to resume functioning and work hard to get myself on my feet again.
It’s still early days, only 14 days in. Side effects are heavy but assume transient and not near as nasty as the harrowing experiences as the Journey through Hell…. However, I’m already seeing the positives this drug offers: some glimmers of clear thinking, a lot more generalized optimism (which is much aligned to my normal self) and my general body functioning is coming back bit by bit.
I’m still struggling with memory issues, dizzy and clumsy, word finding and confusion when I’m tired, a range of anxiety symptoms (which I’ve never really known about and now realize is a thing), managing all sorts of stimuli, input/output, micro and macro processes, communications… all the things we take for granted…
Head pain around the site of trauma (left side) is still remarkably high, but there is high hope the head pain will be reduced with the new medication which has the quality of toning down nervous system hypersensitivity. I’ve also been assured by my medical team that with increase in function and happy productivity I’m sure to experience over the coming months, the head pain will be reduced. I’m excited about that — placebo effect is so important. I love my medical team!
I am Grateful every day. For my brilliant body which is in extremely good health considering everything! For my beautiful son who has evolved with me through this process and supports and loves me even though it’s extremely tough on him at the best of times… he’s such a Hero!! For my medical team (my GP, psychiatrist, physiatrist-brain rehab guy, neurologist and new head & neck physio)… For my dear friends and family who check on me from time to time, and every one of you out there rooting for me!! I love you all!!
Anyone who knows me well understands how resilient and resourceful I am (and shamelessly honest!), I fully intend to beat this, get back to full functioning, build back my physical strength (and lose the 50+ lbs all this medication has helped me to pack on), and build back a full and productive life. Not sure what it will look like, but I see colour, art, textiles, helping people solve problems, writing, listening, sitting in the grass, land art, standing for First Nations sovereignty, gratitude and more listening…. and more art.
Yes, colour, texture… words…. feeling deeply…. and art.
My intention is to focus inward and locally to my own life, grow my new life with what I have which is a re-creation because everything seems new… with the expectation that I’ll be able to start to piece together my daily functioning now that I have some emotional and mental tools before me to do so.
With Love. ❤️
Image: Catrin Walz-Stein, Friendship 2
