Re-creation
Living with what has become chronic pain and problems with brain function is extremely challenging, to state the obvious.
Maybe the most difficult parts have been coming to terms with the nature of the problems and not being able to determine how and when they will be resolved. You know, the ambiguity, the variability and unpredictability of it all.
Weekly doctor and psychiatrist visits, handfuls of medications every day, tracking my walking, physiotherapy, neurologist and rehab physiatrist… trying to manage daily activities on my own, much of the time with elaborate clues and reminders set up so as to not forget things, managing “pacing” of physical energy as well as thinking processing to ensure minimal headache pain, and then all the pain management tactics when pain happens.
As I observe my process, I’m continually grateful to be blessed with the gift of what I call, “relentless optimism”. No matter how bad things get, the pain, or memory issues or sadness… I’m always looking and finding openings to wiggle through, so that I can get creative or feel good, or feel or think something positive. Inevitably, if the conditions are right, this glimmer of light begins a chain reaction and blossoms into what can be an hour or two of productive and positive experience.
If I’m in the moment and keenly mindful, this can lead to a sense of the most exquisite “soaring”, a sense of bliss and contentment. Oh, how magnificent to be alive in this moment, in this time and space…
And with enormous Gratitude, I lay another stone in the foundation of my re-creation.
Image: O Casulo by Tiago Arrais
